If there are no extremes bad/good we can not make lasting memories.
People stay in a job they actually dislike because of the low intensity of their work life.
Day in and day out, they perform the same actions. There is nothing they really can point the finger on that is just not right.
Another year has passed, and you can not remember what was special about your work year. What were your top 5 highlights?
No day is that bad that you would generally say that you have a shit job.
Your last holiday was memorable.
When we are on a holiday trip, there is usually something special. I do not mean that holiday with auntie Willis. You have visited new places, tried exotic food, and met interesting people.
Maybe something terrible happened. You got robbed, suffered food poisoning, or were bitten by an exotic animal. Despite the negativity of the events, you will remember them until the end of your life. There are stories that you can tell when you are old.
What is the difference?
How is remembering a bad event better than not remembering an average job experience?
The intensity matters
Imagine your lifeline is like a landscape. That means your job is like a flat desert. In contrast, your holiday is like a mountain range full of cliffs, valleys, and lakes.
The intensity of your experience is much greater. You could be blind and still get around much of your daily life.
The dire events do not matter in retrospect. The holiday feels longer and richer as the duration of the two periods is wholly neglected. Your brain lives on memorable events. If your job provides none, not even bad ones, there is nothing your remembering self can feast on.
A strong remembering self motivates for the future
Remembering significant events becomes addictive at some point. You are always on the search for something new. Before you engage in something new, your remembering self will assess the potential for remembering events to happen. Think camping vs. safari.
The dangers of giving in to the remembering self
Your mind is motivated by potential future happy moments and rich experiences, so you become influenced in your decisions.
Did you ever buy an expensive object because you thought it would lead to a richer experience? Once the object was in your possession, you were disappointed that it was just an object and nothing special happened afterward. Many buyers of luxury cars fall into this trap.
Many of those objects have something interesting for the first time we experience them. That is actually what is the motivation for the purchase. But then the intensity dwindles.
No long-term happiness is to be gained. Something that is called miswanting.
We are indeed terrible at knowing what we want and what will lead to long-term happiness.